So I'm moving. To Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's really not all that exciting, except for the part where I have 2 big closets in my room (!!!!!!) and that I have a job! Hooray me! It's been a year since I graduated college, and I'm finally doing something with my life. I didn't think it would take this long, but when one doesn't really apply herself, it should probably have taken longer. Oh well, better late than never, I suppose.
People keep asking me if I'm sad about leaving. And some people are much more self-centered than I had remembered, too. About leaving, I'm not completely torn up about it. There are people that I wish I could take with me because I love them so ("I could eat you up, I love you so," --Where the Wild Things Are), and these are the people I will miss every day (I won't name names, but these people know who they are) and these are the people about whom I'm sad to leave. But then part of me is excited. And then I realize that I'm also nervous, scared, anxious (in both a bad and a good way), and sometimes I just want to lay in my bed and cry. I never thought that I could feel so many feelings all at the same time. When it came time for me to leave for college, I wasn't sad one bit. Maybe that's because I knew I would come back. This time, I still know I'll come back, but it won't be the same. I've changed my address, moved all of my clothes, hung pictures and other things on the walls, opened up new bank accounts, I'm in the process of transferring my medical records to new doctors, and I'm about to get an Indiana driver's license. My mom is happy for me, but it's getting harder for her to cover up her sadness over me leaving; her random hugs keep becoming longer and more secure. This hurts my soul. I mean, it makes me feel kind of good because I know that she loves me, but it's making it more difficult each day before I leave to actually make that leap. But I'll get through it.
Several of the people I told about me moving gave me this response: "You're moving?! NOOOO how could you do this to me?!" I thought it was a joke. I thought it would be followed with something similar to: "Haha, just kidding! I'm so happy for you, congratulations! That's so great!" but no. No congratulatory hug or anything. I mean, sure, it's okay to be sad that a friend is leaving. But obviously I have to think of myself here. Am I right? Or is that too selfish to want to start my career and begin making money and working to become independent? Help me out here if I'm completely in the wrong... (Sorry for the rant. I was just really taken aback when those actions played out.)
I'm not sure if there is anything else I could write about me leaving. I'm still really confused in my head and my heart, and I still feel like crying a lot. I feel like this happens to a lot of people. Obviously it wasn't an easy decision to make, but it's not like I'm trying to hurt anybody by leaving either. And it's not like I'm moving to someplace really far away, like California or Florida or something. I'm about 3 1/2 hours away via car, and pretty much anyone has an open invitation to come visit me. =)
As promised, here's a pic of the day (actually, here are several):
Story: I love tulips. They are my favorite flower, well, one of them, and I can't ever get enough of these beauties. Not only are they so perfectly simple and amazingly pretty and have a vast array of petal colors, but they are really the first flowers to bloom in the spring, which makes me so happy. The first two I posted really show my favorite part of the flower, which is the inside. It has such a cool design with the black against the pretty pink and/or orange or whatever color the tulip may be. The last photo, the one of the bud just about to open, is probably my new favorite photo I've ever taken. If you can't understand why, then shame on you.
(...it's "I'll see you later.")
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